Woman!!

Element: Woman
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 57, but known to vary from 50 to 96
Discoverer: Adam
Occurance: Copious quantities in all Urban areas,
with slighlty lower concentrations in
Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties: 1) Surface usually covered with
painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes
without reason.
3) Melts if given special
treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
Can cause headaches.
Handle with care!
5) Found in various states;
ranging from virgin metal to
common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to
correct points.

Chemical Properties: 1) Has great affinity for Gold,
Silver, Platinum and many of
the Precious Stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of
expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if
left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but
there is increased activity
when saturated in alcohol
to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material.
Neutral to common sense.
6) Most powerful money reducing
agent known to Man.

Uses: Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better
specimen.

Caution: 1) Highly dangerous except in experienced
hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2) Illegal to possess more than one, except in Utah.